Transcript

Good morning, church. It's good to see all of you this morning. I'm so thankful you're here. We're continuing this series called Family Circus. We're in part four.

We've got this one and one more after it left over. This is the one I've been kind of looking forward to most, this one and next week because I haven't preached as much on these topics, which is just more, it's more fun for me to do the study in preparation, but I hope you'll enjoy it as well as we get into today's topic, which we've called the tightrope walking sort of alone on this. This is on the topic of singleness. Next week we're going to cover grandparenting together. And so those are two topics I've been very interested in studying.

And I think the Lord has really spoke to me this week, and I pray that he will also speak through his word to you today in one corinthians chapter seven, where we're going to be now. It's interesting, we've done a lot of family sermons, family series over the years as Eastgate Church, and I've never, I don't think, ever preached on singleness. And so this seemed like a good topic to deal with today. We've often aimed at, you know, a family that's blessed by God and that fits under God's plan. But sometimes singles feel like, I don't know how I fit under that.

Now, I got news for you. A lot of you in the room obviously aren't single. You're sitting with your spouse right now and you're sitting with your loved ones. But this message I could have given and not even called it singleness because it's just going to apply. All right.

But it's certainly applicable to those in the room who are unwed. And so here's where we're going to be today. One corinthians seven. Take a look at this cartoon. For me, this actually was pretty challenging to find a good family circus cartoon this week.

But here little Jeffy is throwing a ball and he says, I'm having a catch with God. I throw the ball up and he throws it back. And that's often, maybe how you feel as a single is that you're kind of, if you're looking to play with anybody, you just got to toss a ball in the air. And there's not a lot of maybe you feel alone at times. But Jeffy gets it right.

He realizes I'm never alone. I'm always with the Lord. When we church folk, if you will, talk about family, we often forget singleness. And there's some reasons for that. But I would like to attempt to not do that anymore.

Sometimes our questions for them, sometimes there's some of you in the room that like to consider yourselves matchmakers. I just want you to know it often makes people very uncomfortable. So I know some people like this, that I just. I want him or I want her to really find someone. My goal today is not that at all.

My goal today is that you would find comfort in the arms of Christ, no matter single, married, no matter what, that your source of strength has never been somebody else other than Jesus. And so that's really the key to today's work together. So I want to remind you of something, too, that the truth is a biblical understanding of singleness is best. In fact, if you dig in to many of the prophets and the disciples and Jesus himself, you'll find out all of these people lived single, so it can't be some kind of wrong path. If the Lord Jesus himself went down it as well as Paul, it seems some would argue Paul may have been a widower.

But what we know for certain, based on today's text, is he's single when he's serving Christ. There's many, many Elijah in the Old Testament, John the Baptist, Paul, Jesus. All of these live single, according to christian counselor doctor Gary Collins. He says singles are especially challenged by feelings of loneliness, low self esteem, feeling perhaps like a social outcast, temptation and pressure to find a mate, feelings of fear, anxiety. Some are experiencing it as a single parent.

What can help singles face these challenges? I think God's word will be a great help to you today. We're going to be in first corinthians, where Paul instructed singles to look for true fulfillment in Jesus. So whether you're married or single today, we can recognize that our truest fulfillment, fulfillment, comes in the Lord Jesus and nothing else. There's four steps I think you'll see here.

Now I'm doing something unusual. Those of you who have come here a while know that I don't typically do this, but I'm taking various sections of one corinthians seven. The reason being is Paul covers a whole lot of various topics in one corinthians seven, for instance, what you should do if you've married a non believer. I'm not covering that today. It's not the scope.

But if that's something you've done, first corinthians seven has got a word for you. So you'll see I'm covering bites of this for a reason. So here we are. One corinthians, seven, various texts, starting at verse six. It says, now, as a concession, not a command, I say this.

I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Now, moving on to verse 24.

There's a big section here I would encourage you to read for some other study. But moving on to verse 24. It says, so, brothers, in whatever condition each hat was called there, let him remain with God. Concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one, by the Lord's mercy, is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is.

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned.

And if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles. And I would spare you that. This is what I mean. Brothers, the appointed time has grown very short.

From now on, let those who have wives lives as if they had none. I'm reading beyond what I was going to read. Let's move on to verse 32. Verse 32. It says, I want you to be free from anxieties.

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the married or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord. The unmarried. Excuse me, how to be holy in body and in spirit, but the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

Now, I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his betrothed, if his passions are strong and it has to be, let him do as he wishes, let them marry. It is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well so then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.

But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord. Yet listen to this. In my judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I, too, have the spirit of God. God bless the reading of his word.

Amen. It's a challenging passage, huh? It's an interesting thought here from the apostle Paul here, giving this idea of true fulfillment in Christ. Here's what I think he's arguing for first, the first step, if you will, and that is to learn contentment with what God has given you. You may have picked up on a theme that he keeps coming back to, and that is, wherever you are, remain there.

However you came to Christ, married, unmarried. Just stay put. God is going to bless you and gift you right where you are. There's a sense of this contentment, if you will, a sense that God is providing, a sense that he has put you right where he wants you. Paul says very carefully in verse seven, I wish that all were as I am myself, which is a single person.

He's single. He wished that other singles would just consider being like him, because he's learned some valuable lessons as a man serving the lord just as a single. And that is, I can just fully focus my attention on him, which married men and women in the room. You know, it is. There is a challenge there.

Oh, there's joys, no doubt, and Paul recognizes that. But there are challenges. Paul has learned something about being single. In fact, he says in Philippians chapter four, I have learned the secret of being content. In any and every situation, there's a contentment that he's discovered.

But he says very carefully here in chapter seven, very important things. Verse 80 says, it's good to remain single. And then in verses 24 through 27, he says, it's good to remain married. This is interesting. It's not a paradox.

He's saying, it's good wherever the Lord has led you, it's good. Both are, as he puts it, both are gifts. And there's two reasons that I'd like to give, that Paul gives here, that marriage and singleness are both gifts from God. The word gift is here in verse seven, and in other places, it's this undeserved favor. He says, from God.

He has given you the opportunity to either use the gift of marriage or singleness. The problem is, we don't often accept God's timing or his sovereignty. There's a reason that we're either frustrated as single people or as married people. Oh, there's some people, and maybe they're not here today, but maybe if they're honest, hey, I've been pretty frustrated in my marriage at times. Maybe you are today.

Some people see singleness not as a gift, but as a curse. But I would argue there's plenty of people that see marriage not as a gift, but as a curse. And it's because both, no matter which camp you come to, if you're not recognizing that singleness and marriage are both gifts from God, you're on a dark path. You're not in the Lord's will. No, he says, both are good, good gifts.

He says, the corinthian church, very plainly verse. This is verse seven. In another translation, it says, I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage and to others the gift of singleness.

That's an interesting way to phrase it. Believers in the room, you have been given a gift, either a gift of marriage or of singleness. Both are great. I think we've done a disservice, perhaps as a church, to constantly be saying, if you're not married with kids, you're not a functioning Christian. That's a foolish way to think.

In fact, it goes really opposite to our very savior. So that's problematic right now. He says plainly, both are gifts. Here's another thought. Both singleness and marriage both portray the gospel of God I really loved.

I found a quote. I haven't finished this book. Seven myths about singleness by Sam Albury. Y'all can check that out. Singles in the room, or marrieds, if you want to learn more.

Seven myths about singleness. Here's a quote from that book, though. That was fantastic. He says, if marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency. There's something really true about that statement, because what we discovered a few weeks ago, when we were in Ephesians, we saw this picture of that a husband and wife show the bride and the person of Christ.

They show that to the world, that we are supposed to be a model of Christ in the church, that marriage should model that. And that's what Sam has put so well. But singleness models that we are all good just the way we are. Singleness shows that I have everything I need in Christ Jesus, and I need nothing else. Well, that's true, friend husbands and wives in the room.

It's still true that your sufficiency is not in that person sitting next to you. If you haven't discovered that yet, you must be very early in your marriage. Either that, or things have been strangely good. And I say that. I say that seriously, this person will reveal themselves to not be enough for you.

And I found it to be very quick. And part of my problem was I got married at 19, and I had, I guess, rose colored glasses on. She's a wonderful person. But don't get me wrong, she's not perfect, and I'm not either. And I had a large expectation, I guess, that this would fulfill all of my dysfunction.

And it didn't. In fact, I would argue it made it clear. It really brought clarity to my situation that nobody out there can fill this void. I have. There's a huge void.

Singles in the room. Nobody out there can feel that other than him. That's it. That's what singleness reveals, the sufficiency of the gospel. This is what he writes Paul to the colossian church.

He says, so you also are complete through your union with Christ. This is why he says over and over again, this is not a command. This is from the grace of God to me. But there are no commands in scripture about singleness, as he puts there in verse 25. What he's referring to there is.

There's really nowhere in scripture or in the Old Testament or from the Lord Jesus that says very much about the issue of singleness. In fact, I would argue the Holy Spirit gave it to Paul, and now that is our gift. But at the time of Paul's writing, he's sitting there studying scripture, going, there's not much on this issue, but now we have something, because all scripture is God breathed. So consider this Philippians passage one more time. Where does Paul's contentment and strength come from?

Here's the larger bite, Philippians, chapter four. He says, I have learned in whatever state I am in to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound everywhere and in all things. I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Now, you've heard verse 13 a lot. Put it in context. So he's saying, I know how to experience the sufficiency of Christ no matter where I'm at. And I know that in whatever challenge that comes my way, that Christ is with me and preparing me for it. I want to end this thought, this first step, with a word from author Shelley Pulliam.

This is in a book called Life Lessons for single moms. So, single moms in the room. This is a good read for you, but this is great for all. She says. It's tempting to think, if only I were married, I'd be happy.

If only I had kids, if only my kids would behave, if only I had a different job, if only I lived in a different place, if only I owned my own home. If only I made more money. You fill in your if onlys. We will if only our entire life away, she says. Contentment, though, isn't about getting rid of your desires or pretending that you don't want to get married.

Rather, contentment and your desires and hurts can coexist, she says. To be truly content, we have to be able to see the value in our pain. God is at work. He doesn't waste our experiences. He's using them for a higher purpose that we can't always discern.

We just have to have the faith to accept that and eventually rejoice in it. I love her point. We can definitely, if only our lives away. I'm guilty of this. True contentment is found in the person of Jesus, right where you are.

This is really the main point of Paul's word to you today, the Holy Spirit. I hope this is what you hear above all else, that right where you are, you are called. Right where you are. You have the sufficiency of Christ. You lack nothing.

Singles marrieds in the room, you lack nothing in Christ Jesus. And true contentment is only found there. Here's the next step. This one's a little more challenging. Offer your body with its desires to God.

This is true for singles and marrieds as well. Don't let this pass you by, married folks. Look at verse nine. He says very carefully, if you cannot exercise self control, you ought to marry. It's better to marry than to.

To burn or to be aflame with passion. As he puts this is the exact phrase I used with my dad. Somewhat out of place, I'll admit. But it caused the questions to end. I was again.

I got married at 19, and at 18 I start talking about this little girl named Nicole and about how I feel and about how I think she's the one. And my dad's got a booku of questions. Of course, you're young. What are you thinking? I don't know.

Like daddy, I burn, I said to him. And that probably wouldn't work for you unless your dad's a pastor. Or a very well read Bible scholar. I said, dad, the simple thing is she's a believer. We're going on the same path.

And I burn. I burn. I was like, okay, that was pretty much the end of that conversation. He had asked me much. I will say that wasn't, like, the greatest use of this text.

God's blessed it. Even in my foolishness, he's been with me and her, I think. But Paul says, if you are burning with passion for someone and you can't exercise self control, you ought to marry. You ought to. If you've met someone in your life, this is this contentment factor that's there is oftentimes God puts someone in your life that he intends for you to walk through life with.

I would really pray, hope and pray that that's the person sitting next to you. That's why that person's in your life. Not by some slim chance or not by your great effort. No, no. I would say it's something far bigger than that, that God has put that person in your path and that the passion you feel is from him.

He says, if that's where you're at, you ought to marry. But if you can get your desires under control, as he puts later in verse 37, then it would be better to live single because you're focused. Now, here's the thing I would say in this section. We have to ask some questions about what does he mean by a flame with passion? I know some of you are starting to kind of hunker down in your seat, like, ooh, where could this go?

This is exactly what he means. All right. He's not trying to dodge the topic. He is talking about desire, sexual desire. In fact, he is talking about this idea of passion.

Puro. Here in the text. Aflame means to burn with lust. That's what it means. It means to be on fire.

Some of you, men and women in the room, remember that good old feeling. Some of you, it's been a minute like I remember when we burned.

That's how we once felt. That's maybe where you are now. That's where you come to the Lord and say, ought I to marry this person? Guide my steps. But if you can bring desire under your control, then perhaps you'll continue in your singleness.

So is desire here a sin? Is he painting the picture that this burning is a sin? Absolutely not. The desire itself. I want to argue for something.

Look, God created us with hormones. That stuff isn't accidental. He created us with drives. It's not accidental. That isn't something from the culture?

No. God made us this way. He made us for the aspect of procreation, sure, but also this newer aspect, if you will, of serving him wholeheartedly. Both are from God. And like the corinthian church where Paul is here, we're not really different at all from this culture.

This culture. The reason that Paul is addressing this in chapter seven is because people are coming to Christ there in Corinth, and they're looking around and going, I feel like we ought to live different than what's around us. And what's around us is debauchery. And they're going up to the temple of Diana and worshiping with their bodies. There's temple prostitutes up there.

It is a mess. This is a chaotic culture. And guess what? We're no different. If not, maybe we're worse.

Because everything is so easy to get your hands on. You don't have to go to some temple now. Just pick your phone up and there is all the madness you could be seeking. Just go to Google and you'll find it. But don't do that.

And so the christians here in Corinth are going, should we? We know that we're holy and set apart. We're understanding the gospel for ourselves. And they begin to ask some very hard questions, like, maybe we shouldn't be married at all. That's really what they've been asking, is, should we divorce our husbands and our wives and just live for the Lord?

They're not asking, hey, what do we do with this singleness thing? Now? Paul's addressing that. The real question has been, hey, we're seeing all this culturally sexual awful stuff going on, and we're supposed to be holy. Should we live now in chastity?

That's the question they're asking. Paul says, yes and no. If you're single, yes. Devote all your attention to the Lord. If you're married, no, stay married.

Come, you've come to Christ this way. Stay in Christ this way. In fact, I'll give you a little nugget. Some of you need to study this for yourselves. But that little section I didn't read, he goes on to say, if your husband is an unbeliever, but they will stay with you in marriage, stay with them.

Don't divorce them because your walk of faith might, in fact, bring them to Jesus. That's what he argues for. So he's not arguing for divorce at all. He's saying, no, stay with this person, but bring your desires under control, because where the corinthian culture is wrong. And where our culture is wrong is that these God given desires aren't uncontrollable.

This is the problem with our culture. It's not that. It's saying, hey, you guys got a. Y'all got a wild drive. That's not the problem.

The problem is them saying it's impossible for you to control it. Whatever you are, as you came out, you just need a full fledged be. That. That's the problem with both the corinthian culture and ours. No.

Instead, we've been made one way, but we've been redeemed in Christ. In fact, I would argue, my friends, you're not animals. You're more than your appetites. You already know this in, like, every other aspect of your life. And you've already said, you know what?

I can't have ice cream three times a day. I want it. I do. I love it. I would eat it every meal if it was the ultimate superfood.

I'd be the healthiest man alive. And yet I already know, and you know I can't do that. And yet with this one aspect of my appetite, I'm like, I just need to let that thing run wild. Why? Who told you that was true?

It's not true in Christ. No. Instead, we are called to trust God with our very being, our physical bodies. Romans, chapter twelve. It says, offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.

This is your true and proper worship. Don't conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will. No trust. Offer your bodies to him as a sacrifice.

Psalm says, to delight yourself in him. It says in psalm 37, delight yourself in the lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

There's these lies we've been told about what we should do with our appetites. From another book from Julie Slattery was her name. But anyway, I pulled this one excerpt out because it was very helpful to me. She talked about five lies that make sexual purity more difficult for singles and marrieds. Here's number one.

She says, single christians, this is a lie. That single christians aren't sexual, or at least they are aren't supposed to be. That's lie number one. That somehow, because you've not been given a spouse, you're a robot, and there's nothing tempting you singles in the room. I bet that's just not lining up with your life experience, is it.

There are temptations. So it would be a lie for you to think, oh, because I'm single, I'm not going to be tempted. That's a lie. Here's another lie in a different side of that vein. That purity is only a problem for singles.

Oh, I wish that were true. Don't you, married couples? Don't you wish that were true? That singleness is the only place where purity is a problem? No.

Single or married, both of us have to yield, lordship. It's always going to be a battle. We have to continue to yield to Christ and say, this is an area where I believe in your sufficiency. Here's the third lie. Sexual purity is about whether or not you have sex.

Well, that's just false. Exposing yourself to pornography and chat rooms and other various things, you're feeding your mind and your heart this poison that's going to continue to eat at you. Here's a fourth lie. That your temptations define you. Some of you feel this way today.

It's the looming sin in your life that makes you keep thinking that God doesn't love you or God doesn't care. Whatever it is you battle, your memories of the past, maybe urges you want to act out on. You may not be able always to control what comes into your mind, but you can control what stays there. Here's the last lie she gives, that God calls his call to holiness will be fair. Now, this point is a doozy.

That God's call to holiness for you will always be fair. Oh, I don't think that's true. That's a lie. Some would argue God would never give someone sexual desires that he doesn't intend to fulfill. That's unfair.

But I haven't read anywhere in scripture where the call to holiness has something to do with easiness or fairness. I've never read it. I've read be holy, for I am holy several times in the Bible. I would say, in fact, wherever your greatest sin struggle is, you might feel like that spot's unfair. Maybe for some of you it is sexual temptation.

Maybe for some of you it's addiction. Maybe for some of you it's just an anger, an anger issue that you can't seem to come past or get overcome. That and for each and every one of you, whatever that, like, looming area is, and you know what it is, that indwelling sin, as the Bible calls it, this area that you just keep coming back to the Lord with. I would argue maybe that's what Paul's talking about when he talks about the thorn of the flesh. Some would say that's a physical ailment.

But I would argue the way he prays about it feels like maybe an area of weakness, a sinful weakness, and God doesn't remove it. Instead, God responds by saying, my grace is sufficient for you in your weakness. No, there's some challenges I have that you don't have. And I might look at them and go, well, that's unfair. And yet you have some that I don't have.

So it's not about fairness. It's about whether or not I'm going to follow God in the very area of my weakness, which each and every one of us have in unique places to the single in the room. Maybe there's some desires, some things out there that you would very much like God to fulfill, but holiness isn't about that. Don't give in. Don't give in to these temptations.

Instead, offer your body, as Romans says, as a living sacrifice. Why? Because his plan is better than yours. It always has been, it always will be your satisfaction. In fact, if at some point you finally get whatever it is you've been longing for, and you finally get a taste or a full dose of whatever it is you've been longing for, I think you will find.

I know you will find that is is not enough. It is not enough. Those addicts in the room, you know that full well. Those of you who have overcome things like this, you know that if I went back and drank or went back and did this, I know that I'd be happy for the moment, but it wouldn't be enough. And then that deep chasm, that void, would be back, staring me in the face.

Here's the third step. Find your life purpose. In undivided devotion to God. In undivided devotion to God. This is where Paul really leads in his argument with this idea of marriage.

Now, this might strike you a certain way, married couples. It hits me kind of weird where he says, in fact, I think you'd be better off if you weren't married. You'd be better off if you could live single. Now, he's not saying, get a divorce. In fact, he's arguing the opposite of that.

He's saying, stay right where you are. But he's recognizing a challenge that the married man, the married woman, has a secondary interest that we have to admit to. And it's not a bad thing. Normally, when we see the word worldly, you'll notice this a couple times, verse 33 being one of them, he says, the man will be interested in worldly things, how to please his wife. Now, when I saw that first, I thought, is he saying this is sinful?

No, it's not what he's saying. He's saying worldly in the sense the word here literally is the greek word sarks, which means flesh. He's saying you're going to have some fleshly desires, which sometimes in the Bible is also a sin. But here I believe he's talking about the idea of the difference between something that's divine and something that's earthly. He's saying you're going to have some earthly desires.

They're not sinful, but they're not divine. Your focus is not going to be 100% how to please the Lord. Now, I'll make an argument for those singles in the room right now. I highly doubt that's where your focus is all the time either. If you spend all your time thinking about, oh, Mister Wright or misses Wright, you're not undivided devotion to God, but married struggle in this uniquely, he says, because he's picturing what should actually be a good marriage.

Now I'll offer to you, my friends, if you're in a marriage and you're not ever thinking about how to please your spouse, that ain't a good thing. That's not good. And Paul's not saying, hey, y'all should stop trying to please each other. He's saying, this is just a thing that you need to be aware of. Because if you're wanting to be devoted to God, you've got to put your life in balance.

It's okay that you're interested in the well being of your spouse. In fact, you ought to, because it models Christ in his church. I wrote about that over in Ephesians, if you missed it, but you should be aware, if you spend too much of your time, if your life gets out of balance, where all I think about is how to make my wife or my husband's life better, how to please them, how to have a happy home. And you're actually going to miss your objective completely if that's your aim, because your aim being first Christ and then wife, first Christ and then husband will put your life in the correct balance to have the thing you desire most. If you, all you do is focus on, oh, I can tell he's having a bad day.

Let me just bend over backwards and I didn't have a quiet time today. I haven't spent any time with the Lord, but I'm just going to focus for this whole week. I'm going to focus on him. It doesn't go the way you plan, because our lives are designed first for him, then for them. That's what Paul's arguing for here.

So be aware of this, married folks, but be aware of this also. This is a word to you, singles, just so you know, if you can decide, I have been called to the gift of singleness. This is what God has done in my life. Then finally I can do this decision of undivided, fully devoted attention to God. And Paul goes on to give this triad of great words, if you will.

Look there at verse 37. I believe I'm at. Let's see. 38, good order. Where to see no verse 35, he says, good order, undivided devotion, triad of honor and without distraction.

Barry Danilac, writing on redeeming singleness, he says, constantly attending towards, waiting for instruction. This triad of two terms probably gives us the most accurate understanding of Paul's vision of the gift of singleness and operation. He envisions those who are above reproach in their sexual conduct, undistracted by spouse and family, and ready and waiting at the service of their Lord. This is what singleness could be, should be, I think, if honoring the Lord following Christ, then means self denial and focusing, following an undivided attention. This brings us to this really important phrase from the Lord Jesus in Luke nine, where he says, whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

Now, this is a word to all believers, but it says, according to the word of God. An easier step to make as a single person. It's slightly more challenging as a married. I don't know who in the room has ever heard of a famous pastor and scholar? He wrote a bunch of stuff named John Stott.

Anybody ever heard of the theologian John Stott? Pretty famous guy. I learned this week. He lived until his nineties as a single man. I was unaware of that.

You know, it's very uncommon in christian culture for church leaders to be single. It's very uncommon, and I'm not totally sure why, when so many of the early church fathers were. I think maybe there's something slightly out of whack there. I do believe, at least for my case, marriage was what God intended for me. But it's hard to understand why.

I can't hardly think of a mega church pastor or some well known preacher that's single. And yet here's one John Stott. And he was asked about this apparently many times in his life, because the church is always a little confused by singleness I don't know how we've got so. But he says this in one of his writings. He says, in spite of rumors to the contrary, I have never taken a solemn vow to remain single.

During my twenties and my thirties. Like everybody else, I was expecting to marry one day. In fact, during this period, I twice began to develop a relationship with a lady that I thought God might be God's choice of a life partner for me. But when the time came to make a decision, I can best explain it by saying that I lacked any assurance from God that he meant for me to go forward. Looking back, I think I know why.

I could have never traveled and written as extensively as I've done if I'd had the responsibilities of a wife and family. That's an interesting take, and I think he's right. The right view as a church, the right view is that singleness and marriage are gifts. Do you believe that? Singles in the room.

Do you believe that for yourself? Not that God has called you to a life of singleness that may be unknown for you at this point, but the gift is I'm going to live devoted to God right where I am right now. I'm not hungry for something else. I know he's got me where he wants me. Stott spoke many times of people he had discipled over the years who began to call him Uncle John.

Uncle John Stott, the mentor of mine. This brings to light this very true thing, that you can have a family whether you're single or married. Remember, in fact, how Paul describes Timothy? He describes Timothy as his son in the Lord. How John describes all of the people he's speaking to, likely at the church of Ephesus, when he writes, my dear children, that there's this awesome thing that happens when we live undevoted to Christ, that we find not only purpose, but family.

Here's the fourth step, and I've got to move swiftly through it. Trust your companionship needs to God's provision and will. And this is really the big key for singles in the room. Do you trust him? Do you trust the process?

Do you trust that God will provide, that his will is not to be hidden from you, but that he desires very much for you to follow his will? He's not trying to be sneaky with you. In verse 39 and 40, this is how Paul concludes that if we are single, we are free. But if we are married, we should not seek to be free from our wives or husbands.

Be sure that in all of these things, you put God first. This is why in fact, he writes very sneaky in here. In verse 39, he says, if you become a widower, widower here, he's really speaking to. He says, you're free to marry again, but only in the Lord. Only in the Lord.

Seek first his will and his kingdom, and these things will be given to you.

There's a few things that we know very surely, and I know some of you singles in the room. I know some of your stories. Some of you are dating. Some of you are out there trying to figure this thing out. There's a few really sure things in the word of God, one being two.

Corinthians chapter six tells us, do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This is a command for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness, what fellowship has light with darkness. So if you came to me later and said, I'm really thinking about marrying old Johnny over there, but Johnny doesn't really walk with Jesus. It's an easy answer for me. I have scripture for that one.

To which I would say to my single friends in the room, make sure that you understand this person here before you give them this. This is why I had some really awkward conversations with girls I was dating and things like that in college and me, and I don't think Nicole found them awkward, but I was basically interrogating her at times, which might sound weird to you, but I really wasn't. I was getting to where I wasn't interested in just dating for kicks. I would say maybe that's just never great. Especially most of you in the room are past that point.

I wanted to know, is this person. Does this person want to have children? Does this person want to go into ministry? Does this person, you know, are they willing to follow me down some kind of wild path that God sends me on? I've heard the way my dad told the story.

In fact, he. I didn't quite phrase it this way. I don't. It wouldn't have scared Nicole off. She was blinded by me.

But it wouldn't have scared her off, though. She was looking for. She was looking for a godly man. And I praised that. I praise God for that.

But the way my dad tells his story was, like, on date one or two, he asks my mom, if the man you married felt called to go be a missionary in Africa, would you follow him? I'm like, that's a really specific and weird question there, dad, but it gets at the heart of the issue. And my mom said, apparently, I'm still questioning if it was really this good, because this seems elevated to me. As Ruth once said, your people are my people, and where you go, I will go. I'm like, sure, I love her.

She's great. Maybe she did say that.

They'll both argue that that's what that was said. So I'm like, well, I'll give it to you. My wife didn't say anything quite like that, but I got a clear green light. So don't be unequally yoked with a non believer. Don't start giving your heart away so quickly.

Take your time. Does this person walk with the Lord Jesus? Don't waste your time with them. If they don't, guess what? Missionary dating.

Not effective. Doesn't really work. Oh, but if, you know, if I'm in his life, maybe he'll come to Jesus. No, that's the word for married women and men. If you're already married and this person is a nonbeliever, stay with them.

But to the single person, do not be unequally yoked. Stop wasting your time. Now, if time goes by and this person has heart change and you see them clearly moving towards Christ, okay, we can come back to this. But you know how many times I've seen that happen? I got none.

I've not seen it. I have seen a whole lot of sweet ladies who followed the Lord get married to some terrible men. Almost always that scenario, too. Oh, he'll be better when we're married. No, he won't.

He'll be what you've always not seen. There's this other element of him that he's been hiding. Oh, she's a good girl. She walks with the Lord. I've got to be good around her.

Wait till you marry him. He's been hiding. Sometimes it happens the other way, too. No. Recognize God's provision for companionship?

Acts two, in fact. We use this for small groups. But this is this idea of what God intended for us in the fellowship of believers. He says they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, to fellowship, to breaking bread and to prayers. This is God's provision for companionship.

And to some he gives the gifts of marriage, but not to all. Not to all. To some, he gives the gift of singleness.

I think I somewhat honored the Lord in my pursuit of Nicole. And I'll say this. I think the reason that it happened the way it did for me is that I finally stopped saying my way, my way, my way. And that's when I think God finally showed me what he intended for me. I had dated some not so great ladies.

And I was, I'll admit, mostly just dating them on looks. I just. That she looks pretty, and there's not a lot there. That's a very fleeting way to think. And so I had come on a summer project with campus crusade for Christ.

I'd finally gotten kind of serious about my faith after many years of knowing Jesus. And even at 14 years old, at a youth camp, saying, I'm supposed to go into full time ministry. Something that day made me walk forward and go, I think I'm supposed to do this with my life. And then ever since then, wonder, what was that even now? Like, wow.

What a wild decision to make as a baby teenager. But then spending all of my high school career and early college career just looking for pretty girls and that, not lining up ever with what I knew I was hungry for, but not knowing how to reconcile that. So finally went on this mission trip for the summer, ironically telling God, all right, I want to understand what it means to be undivided in my devotion to you. I'm really tired of who I've been and what I've been trying to do. It's not working, and I'm not even pleased with my behavior, right.

So I'm going to this mission trip with the focus of, I'm going to find who I am in Christ, and I'm gonna learn how to share my faith in a better way. And that's what this trip was supposed to be for me, and that's who I was for half of it. And then God reveals this little girl to me on the same mission trip. In fact, our early conversations, I don't think, were pleasant for her because I didn't realize at all that she was interested in me, and I had already made the decision. I'm not gonna be interested in anybody.

I'm done with this for a while. And so I told her some pretty harsh answers to the questions she had early. She was kind of. I would be out there reading my Bible, and she would say, I'm having this problem with one of the girl leaders up in, because we were in two different dorms while we were staying there. And, you know, we're having to fall under the leadership of other people that are only a little bit older than us, which is awkward.

It's just like, this person keeps telling me to do this. I turned somewhere in scripture. I'm like, obey the authorities who are above you. I didn't sugarcoat it. I'm like, now get out of my sight.

That's kind of how I remember thinking about it at the time. It's like, here's your answer, and I'm trying to have a devotion here. But then she just kept coming around hungry for the word of God, which was a sneaky approach, and I don't think that was her only intention. I wouldn't say that at all. But that was the Lord, as far as I'm concerned.

I feel like she was indeed a gift. And if that's your approach to marriage, I think that's the right approach, that marriage is a gift, but it could be that singleness is a gift to you and church. I want to make the argument to you that we need to stop with our matchmaking. We need to stop pressuring, and maybe come with the assumption that perhaps there are some in our midst to which God has chosen for the gift of singleness. For what purpose, we don't yet know.

But I've got some pretty powerful men and women of God in the scriptures that devoted themselves to Christ as unmarried people. And that's good reason to think maybe he's still doing this. I would argue this man, John Stott, who has been a guy I've read for years, I believe he wrote basic Christianity. I mean, just fantastic stuff. And to find out, you know, what, this is what God had for him.

So, church, here's the thing we ought to be teaching one another. Find true contentment in Christ Jesus. That's it. Oh, but if I only had a spouse. Whoa, whoa.

Calm down. If you had a spouse, you'd still be missing something. Oh, but if I only had a different spouse? Friends, the hole in your heart is not going to be filled with people. It's going to be filled with him.

That's it. It's a God sized hole that only he can fill. Will you find true contentment in him? Singles in the room, find your contentment in him. I want to end with this thought, and really quickly.

Those of you in the room who have never been married, instead of focusing constantly on finding the perfect mate of focus on finding fulfillment in Christ, focus on that. Focus on being the person God has called you to be. And if he intends to send you a mate, he's probably going to wait to send that mate until you're finally functioning as an adult.

Divorced people in the room, don't be tempted to fill that relational hole with another person. So often we've seen people go from a really bad relationship to an even worse one. An even worse one because they had a need, but they didn't seek Christ first. Widow, widower. Hear this take time to grieve and heal.

But look, yes, sure, you're free to remarry, but only in the Lord. Be looking for that right person or just be content right where you are. Singleness isn't a second class status God's gift. It could be God's gift to you. Today will you find true contentment?

Christ, offer your control of all your desires to God. Seek to be undividedly devoted to him and trust in him for your companionship. Let's pray now together. Church heavenly Father, I ask that you would really bless these people in the room, that no matter how they've come in today, whether married or single, that they would see that their greatest need is not an earthly one. Their greatest need is for you, Lord Jesus, at the end of the day, you have created us, God, for yourself and no one else.

Oh, yeah. You might at times give us gifts of loved ones, gifts of godly parents, or sometimes not. Gifts of a spouse or sometimes not. But these are all good gifts from God. Lord, I pray that no matter how myself and no matter how the church has come in today, that they could see this truth for themselves.

Maybe they have been. Maybe they're coming in this morning with a bunch of if onlys on their lips. Maybe there's married people in the room saying, if only I had a better job, if only I had children. Some struggle there. If only I had a son.

All he gave me was daughters. I don't know, if only, oh, so many of us struggle there, Lord, and it's a good picture of our lack of the sufficiency of the gospel in our life. And so many of us, including myself, struggle there. God, I just want to lay that at your feet right now, Lord. First in repentance.

God, help me to see that this tendency towards, if only I had this, if only this was better, that that tendency really just dishonors you. It's really without me saying it. I am saying I'm living out that, God, I don't have enough in you, and that's not true.

God, I repent of that. I pray that my life and my speech and the way that I act would instead really preach the opposite, that, God, you are more than enough. That, Jesus, you are all sufficient. Your grace is more than enough for me. Singles in the room, married's in the room.

We have to make the same choice. God is all I've ever needed. And these gifts he gives me, I should use them. Well, if he's entrusted me with the gift of marriage, I ought to honor him by following his word and being a picture of Christ in the church to the fallen world around me. That's what I ought to do with this great gift.

And if God has given me the gift of singleness, even if it's seasonal, maybe it's not permanent, but in this moment, he has given me the gift of singleness. I pray God, that I would be undivided in my devotion to you, that you would help me to seek your face first and not always be hungry for something that's lacking in my life. God, do that in each and every one of us. I pray that this week your gospel would be all sufficient in our lives, that we would see you on the move in everything that we do, and that we would learn to really trust and lean in on your good provision, that we would honor you with all the many gifts you've given us. In Jesus name we pray.

Amen.