Transcript

Morning, church. Yet again, we go from that high moment of worship to do do do do do. It's just gonna be awkward, this whole series. I guess that's for fun. Hey, we're in this series called Family Circle.

We started this last week together, and if you missed that sermon, feel free to hop online and check that out. But over the next few weeks, we're gonna be doing different elements of the family, and we've entitled this thing family circus for a reason. And you might be thinking to yourself, well, you know, I don't really need to hear another message about the thing that I'm already experiencing. I have a circus at home already. Maybe you even feel like, well, regardless of kids or spouses or family, my life is a circus.

Regardless, you might be feeling that way today. And here's the good news. We all are. We're all in that together. Welcome home.

We're all dealing with the family circus, the personal circus. You're not alone. And over the next few weeks, we're going to be covering some topics that I pray will really help you, encourage you, challenge you. Today we're talking about marriage. However, I pray that the Lord's word will not, as it claims it will never return.

Void. That. It'll speak to you today regardless of if you're single or what you're dealing with. Today, we're in marriage. And over the next few weeks, you can pop up a few things here.

We've already covered the family as a whole. Today we're doing what we're calling the flying trapeze, keeping the circus theme. Marriage is indeed a flying trapeze. You'll see. We'll talk together about it.

Then we're going to next week, talk about the lion cage. If you've got kids, you know what I mean. Their trouble then the 11th is the tightrope. Singleness. Walking in singleness.

This is a sermon I've never preached, so I'm excited to unpack some new stuff from God's word about singleness. And then, last but not least, the safety net. Grandparents. I've had grandparents be asking me for a while, talk about the family. What about me?

Well, I'm not a grandparent yet, but the God knows what to tell you, and I pray he'll help us with the word of God. So that's where we're going to be over the next few weeks. Now, let me show you an image real quick. Every week, I'm going to give you another one of these from this old cartoon called the Family circus. It's actually still a current thing.

No one ever really gets the newspaper, I guess, anymore. But today we're talking about marriage. And little Jeffy here tells his sibling, he says people getting married always hold hands to make sure the engagement ring doesn't fall off. And little kids don't have a clue sometimes what in the world we're doing. Why do these old people hold hands?

What are they doing? Why are they holding hands together? I wonder. Something that really made me think this week, looking through different cartoons to share with you. Do you ever feel like the engagement ring has fallen off a little bit?

Like maybe that thing is slipping a little bit? Like maybe this morning you need to reengage your commitment to one another in marriage. I wonder, couples in the room, when is the last time you held hands? When's the last time you just did that? Oh, we're not really, you know, we're not really affectionate or whatever.

Okay, well, you're not really happy, so we can work on that. We can definitely work on that. And so holding hands is the thing keeping the gagement ring on. Speaking of holding hands, we've named this sermon the flying trapeze. And the reason for that is, of course, we're trying to keep this circus theme.

But this is really what marriage is like. It is a high flying, acrobatic, dangerous endeavor. If you've ever had even one fight with your spouse, you know, this thing is crazy sometimes. And you will have moments in conversation when you realize we are totally missing each other. You went and jumped.

You made the jump to try to, and I missed the grab. I do not get it at all. That's marriage so often is trying to hang on during this wild, dangerous ride. Are you hanging on tight to one another today? Are you holding hands ever?

You going on any dates? When's the last time you took your spouse on a date? Oh, well, we got married. We don't have to do that anymore. Wrong.

That's the wrong answer. We were great at that when we were dating. Well, I wonder why she liked you more when you were dating. Because you were dating. Think about your marriage for just a second.

Are you experiencing this blessing? We learned last week that to experience God's blessing on your life personally and as a family, it means bowing to his authority that he has a plan for you. He has a plan for you. Singles in the room. He has a plan for you, period.

For your life. He has a purpose. You're not an accident. He made you for a reason. And your life has a great meaning.

And great purpose in his eyes. And if he's called you to marriage, as if you're married today, he's called you. And so are you following his plan or your own? Are you depending on his power and his love? We're going to be in the book of Ephesians.

I scoured the Bible and decided, you know, I don't know how you could preach on marriage and not preach. Ephesians, chapter five. There's just no better place. I know I've been here a bunch if you've been at this church for a while. But I think the Lord this week gave me some fresh insight, some fresh passion, and I pray that that will happen also for you as we dig into Ephesians 522 and on here, he's given instructions on God's design, Paul the apostle, on God's design for the family.

And we can follow these instructions, these wonderful applications for our marriage. So here we go, Ephesians five, starting at verse 22 through verse 33, it says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Now, this mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ in the church.

However, here's his conclusion. Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. God bless the reading of his word. Amen. I know there was a couple of words in there that are bothersome to all parties.

We're going to deal with them together. I've preached some of. I've preached this thing many times, but I got to tell you, it gave me some fresh, fresh passion this week as I dealt, dealt with my own marriage. Every time I'm trying to apply the word to myself first. And here's the first instruction about how to follow God's design for marriage.

He starts with wives, so we're going to start with wives. The Bible starts there, and it says, wives submit. That is, willingly follow your husband. We're starting off good, right? You are excited, boy, in this culture, this is such a wonderful thing to share.

It's so countercultural. I think so often true Christianity really flies in the face of what's going on around you. And this is certainly that willingly follow your husband. Now, I chose those words carefully because the word here is submit several times. And this word is in the greek middle imperative.

Now, an imperative verb is a command. So this is a command, ladies. However, it's in middle voice. What does that mean? That means command yourself.

This is very interesting instruction that Paul is saying. You're not doing the command of submit because he's awesome. You're doing the command of submit because it's fitting to the Lord. You're doing it as unto God, not unto him. You're doing it within yourself.

This is an instruction for you. So he may be wonderful. Your husband might be the most wonderful man today. Y'all actually came to church today. Didn't have a.

You had fought for a week. You came and everybody was ready on time, and the kids actually seemed like they were smiling on the way here. Things are good. Or you had a fight on the way here today. And that's.

That's exciting. You bring your work to work. That's awesome. Bring the work right into church. You might as well.

You might have a good one on the way home because of what we're talking about right here. You'll go, well, neither one of us are doing this right, or it's. You really are screwing it up, honey. No, it says, willingly follow. Why?

Not? Because he's amazing, but because God has instructed it. Submit internally, within yourself. It's not about. This means it's not subject to externals.

This is an internal commitment. And it starts with her. This is wild. Now, there's plenty for the man here. In fact, Paul spends most of his time dealing with husbands.

So, ladies, I say this every time I preach this. The instruction to men is harder. I'm sorry. It just is. It's way more difficult.

And I think there's a reason for that. And there's a reason also that this starts with wives. Because guess what man can't do. Guess what any man can't do. Well, he can't lead.

If you don't allow him to lead, he'll have the hardest time trying to do this. Cause if he's trying to be a good man, he doesn't want to be forceful. He doesn't want to lord it over you, as Genesis says. No, he wants to be positive. He wants to be encouraging.

He wants to not feel like he's messing with your will and stuff. There's so many challenges there. But if you don't allow, as this word says, submit in the sense of, I'm going to line up under. This word is hoopo in the greek hupo, which means under taso, which means to arrange. It literally just means to decide to come under.

It's a military term often used in the Greek. That is, that you decide. This is my commander and I line up under like a soldier. And I know for women. That's an odd illustration for Paul to use.

Here's the thing I came up with this week, or I shouldn't say I came up with it, I think this was from the Lord, that there are three words that he gives to the wife and three words that he gives to the husband. The wives get submit. Headship, respect. The men get love, nourish, cherish. Now, you know what's odd about these three words?

I think the Lord wrote these scripts and said, this is how I've made women. This is how I've made men. Here you go. Buckle up, buttercup. This is going to be fun.

This is for your sanctification. Because guess what men are really great at? This is going to sound odd to you, ladies. We are awesome at headship and respect. This is why men, a lot of men love the military.

They love order. They love hierarchies. Here's how I know this. You put a couple of little boys out in a field and say, play, and guess what they'll do? They'll find out who's the most dominant quickly, and they'll all decide.

All right, Joe is in charge. He's the dude. And no one will buck that system unless somebody gets a little bigger and goes, I might be the dude. Now, that's just how men operate. We pick leaders, we fall up under.

So we're actually really good at submission, we're really good at headship, and we will show respect. Women, however, you put a bunch of little girls out in the field to play together, but it's got to be balanced. No, I'm just as much in charge. I've got three daughters. They non stop fight about who's actually leading anything.

I can tell you, none of them are. It's a chaotic mess. This is just how God made men and women. This is what he did. And here's what he did for marriage.

He said, I'm going to give you a tool that will make you. If you'll follow me, it'll start making you holy. Because what I want for men is a lot more love and a lot more nurturing and cherishing. What I want for ladies is to understand headship and line up under the Lord. And so I'm going to give you alternating tasks.

And they're such a challenge. Men, oh, the women are hearing this message and going, love and nourish and cherish, no problem. Men are like, yuck, nurture. The word nourish means to nurture. That is not our skill, and yet that's what he's given.

What a wonderful thing. Here's the problem, though, and we both have it. We both have this very simple thing. It's a sin problem. The wife tends to be contrary.

Instead of submissive, she tends to want her husband's role. In fact, this goes all the way back to Genesis three. The curse to woman is this. I will surely multiply your pain and childbearing. I'm so sorry that happened.

In pain, you shall bring forth children. In fact, some have argued this isn't just that you would have physical pain in childbirth, but more that it would be difficult to rear children. It would be difficult to raise them, might be more of the term implied. And it is that you probably pay good money just to have that little bit of pain you had to deal with your teenager now, but it goes on to say, your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. This is the sin problem that's now cast into marriage.

Pastor John Piper says on this. He says, when sin has the upper hand in woman, she will desire to overpower or exploit Mandev. And when sin has the upper hand in men, he will respond with his strength to subdue her or rule over her. This is the sin problem. But Christ has given instruction, the spirit has given instruction to the apostle Paul to begin our sanctification in marriage.

So this is what he says to wives. He says, first submit. Why? Because it's fitting. Because you're doing it as unto the Lord.

He says this more specifically in Colossians three. He says, wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. This means it is your duty to God, not to man, because it brings you into alignment with his word, as we saw in Colossians, here in Ephesians. But also, Titus says this. Chapter two.

Paul writes to Titus, train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. This means there's going to be a common tendency in culture for young women to not grow up doing this. It was common in Crete, where Titus was serving. I think it's common certainly in our culture. I think if you look historically, it's often common.

And so older women who are following the Lord are understanding this. They're called to instruct the younger. Now, it says again and again, you may have picked this up to love and respect and to submit to your own husband. I couldn't help but keep noticing that this week, not husbands. It doesn't say, wives submit to husbands.

Guess what? If I'm not your husband, you're not submitting to me. It's your husband as unto the Lord. This means there's nothing here that's saying, wives, all women submit to all men. It's not what's going on here.

Wives, submit to your own husbands. That's careful, careful language. Now, some will complain. Oh, well, this is just this wild theology of Paul. Have you ever heard this before?

Well, that's good. You've never heard that. That's awesome. Praise God. Some people will say, you know, that Paul was some kind of, like, chauvinist or whatever, and that's why it's in all of his letters and Titus and Ephesians and all this.

And so they'll just write that stuff off. Say Paul was off this rocker. The problem is, Moses talks about it in Genesis, as we just read, and Peter talks about it as well. First, Peter, chapter three. It says, wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands again, so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence your lives, this means.

And for some of those ladies in the room, I don't know who you may be, that your husband is not walking with the Lord. And I've run into this quite a bit. And you fall in love, and you get into this marriage, and you find out this faith thing was actually the most important thing. And sadly, it wasn't number one on my list of priorities. And now I'm in a mess.

This happens all the time, Peter says, and there's other places I could go in scripture now. Stay with him, submit to him, and guess what can happen? Your behavior, your purity, your reverence. The way in which you follow Christ might just win him over. And that would be a powerful testimony for your family.

The second word that's given here is head. The word kephele here in the Greek, it literally has to do with crown. It's this kind of organic term here about the body having a head, and it depends on support. So essentially what Paul is arguing for here in verse 23 is this idea that men and women are to mutually support one another. And he's the head, she's the body in this sense.

But headship here isn't really so much about function or about equality, but about function. It's about the way things work. Here's an interesting example from one corinthians eleven. It says, I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ. So here's the order of creation.

Here's how God designed it. The head of every man is Christ, and the head of the wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. That means this whole system is based on headship function. This is why in the ministry of Jesus, every time he's working, he says, I'm about my father's business. I'm praying daily so that I might find where the Lord is, where the father is sending me.

He's lined up under it is God. Again. Remember, it is God who loves the world, God the father who sends the son. He is the sender, he is in charge. And Christ is lined up under, and we are lined up under him, and wives under their husbands.

This is the way that Christ has designed it. Now, I've often argued that it's a lot simpler for you wives if the husband will in fact line up under Christ. And that's why Paul spends most of his time speaking to husbands, because that is an important piece. It's very difficult, and I understand full well how difficult it must be to be submissive and to respect a man who isn't under Christ's headship. But I want to remind you that submission could do something amazing in his life and you've been called to do it not because of his goodness, but because you love Jesus.

The third word is this, and this one gives you some grace. I think the third word is respect, here again in the middle voice, which means you're respecting in and of yourself. But here it's the subjunctive, not an imperative. Subjunctive means it's if. Then it's based on what we call a might or a conditional clause.

And so literally, this could have been translated here in verse 33 where it says, husbands see that you love your wives and wives see that you respect your husband's. It literally could have been translated, wives might see that you might respect your husband. So submission isn't conditional, okay, it's not given as a conditional, but respect is. This is fascinating. I didn't even know what to do with this this week as I looked at this fresh.

Again, this means, wife, your respect is based on his love. It is a condition if he will love, you will respect. That was a bummer to find out for me again this week because I'm already like, man, the section for husbands is a killer. I got to die like Christ died for the church. Like, whew.

But also, she's not really called to respect me if I'm not loving. It's subjunctive there. It's so interesting to me. Now I'm going to post a couple of images for you. Some of you have seen this stuff before, but honestly, I couldn't think of a better illustration to really get after this idea.

It's based on this book. So you can pop up the image of this book for me real quick if you've not read it. Couples, this one's fantastic. Doctor Egrek's love and respect really focused on this chapter. But here's what it introduces.

You can pop up the next image. This is really kind of at the heart of the whole thing. So if you've been with us before, you've seen this, but some of you are still living the crazy cycle. So I had to share it with you again because you're not listening. Apparently, if you're still doing the crazy cycle in your marriage, you're not getting it.

What happens is somebody has to start doing something different. Now let me give you an illustration. If everyday husbands, every day, you're like, you know, I'm pretty, I'm pretty sick of her. I can't really, I'm frustrated, I'm angry. I really can't show her compassion.

I can't show her nourishing and cherishing, certainly not love, because she is constantly going against my ideas. She's constantly challenging me, she doubts me, this, whatever it is that she's triggering you with. And so you don't love, you're not graceful, you're not nice. Like, maybe just the basic thing is you're just not kind. And so that's what you spend in the relationship.

So the first thing that happens is you start putting that spin on it. And guess what she does? Responds with the same stuff you hate. And it's just, this is some of y'all's life, all right? Sometimes it's me, and at the end of the day, I'll go, okay, what did I put in the bank today?

What did I put in the bank today of our marriage? I said mean stuff. I thought mean stuff first. So I started with just being angry or frustrated. So I let that all spill out, and I didn't take time.

Here's something I do that's terrible, y'all. Y'all like to hear my mess. Makes me human. I guess. I want to remind you that I'm no better.

I'm not special. But sometimes I can see that my wife is starting to get a little bit ramped up. Starting. I don't know if y'all's wives do this, but you start feeling the pressure boiling. A little bit of the temperature's rising in the house.

It's almost 99% of the time, it's children. There's four opportunities at my house for the temperature to start rising, and I can feel it. I've been married almost 20 years now. In the first couple years, I was like, you're mad. What are you mad about?

I have no clue. Like, that was me early. But now I start feeling a fire. I'm like, something's about to pop. And sometimes I'm like, I'm getting the heck out of here.

I'm out. That's not a good approach. Sometimes I think, and I will say something like this, I don't really have time for your crazy today.

I've done that probably recently, and that doesn't always go well, because that's not kind. It's not loving. I know what. Here's what's bad. Friends.

Like, do you ever see a problem in your house? You ever see a problem and you go, I know what probably needs to happen. I just don't have the energy to do it. See, that's where you got to call on the Lord. That's this moment.

And this can happen to you wives, too, where you start to see the temperature rising with whatever's going on with him. Maybe with men, it's often they carry baggage into the house, maybe from work or something. I don't know. The scenarios might be the same or a little bit different, but you can feel the boiling point rising, and you might think, okay, I know what I could do to take some of this tension off. So for me, most often it's, I can tell that you're getting frustrated with the kids.

What can I do to help? Like what? I don't want to do this. I'm just telling you because sometimes I'm like, you're part of the cause of the crazy, right. And that might be very well true that sometimes we're, and that parenting's next week.

Sometimes as the parent, we're reacting whether, than being proactive. And so part of the issue is we're both making each other mad and frustrated, right? We're doing this. And sometimes an outsider like myself who's generally kind of stable, I don't easily get frazzled. And I walk into it and go, I think both of you were wrong, but I can't say that.

So, so I have to come at it with, all right, honey, let's get you aside for a second. And like, how can I help? You need some distance because right now you're just, you're mentally too, you're too hot to, to engage. So that's when I'm doing things right. And so that's, that's the idea of the crazy cycle.

Pop that back up. Leave that up for me. So this is, this is the kind of stuff we're doing in our marriage. And I'm challenging you first, men that this, in this case, when it comes to respect that, the Bible, I think, is kind of calling you to make the change first if you want to be the head, you've been called to that and you might think, well, I didn't sign up for that. Well, neither did I.

They didn't sign up for submission, but that's what God did and that's what he made. He says love. So somebody's got to change in order to get a different spin. Somebody has to say, all right, he's being the worst, but I'm just gonna respect him anyway. All right, she is.

She's on it today. But I'm gonna be kind. I'm gonna be loving. That's the only way to break this cycle that some of us are in. Ladies, submission isn't losing your identity.

It isn't blind obedience. It's not being used. It's certainly not allowing your husband to violate the law or abuse you. Sometimes ladies will take you to that. No, that's not what this is saying at all.

What it really is is responding to your husband with the view of Christ's lordship that you say, Christ is in charge of our family. And even if he's not walking with the Lord, I'm going to line up under him in hopes and in prayers that he will line up under the Lord. Because who's really the head? Christ. The headship here is not the husband, not really.

It's Jesus. Encourage yourself by this. I hope that you will follow God's design. Husbands, let's take some time together. It says, sacrificially love your wife.

That's really what's implied here. Love your wife is the word that's given. The verb that's given. I added sacrificial because that's really so obvious here in the text. Sacrificially love your wives.

We're given three words. Men, love, nourish, cherish, love. Of course, Paul would write the word agape here, this unconditional sacrificial kind of love that really only comes from God. So men and women alike, here's something you must understand. We really can't do any of this.

Well, the Holy Spirit of God must empower, we must be fully prayed up. We must be coming into this relationship, going, God, by your strengthen, help me to be the man I'm supposed to be. Help me to be the wife I'm supposed to be. And so pray desperately, Lord, help me with this sacrificial kind of love. Because verse 25 says, as Christ loved the church.

Now, he didn't have to do that. He didn't have to go there and say, husbands, love your wives. He could have just says, love your wife and give yourself up for her. No, he adds this statement, as Christ loved the church. And I got to tell you, that is an unreachable scenario because Christ loves the church perfectly.

Christ leaves his throne of honor. Christ comes down, sacrifices himself for his people, for the church. Men, we simply cannot do this without the power of God, without the spirit of God in us. He says, love her sacrificially. Like Jesus.

He super loves the church. And guess what else Christ does? He forgives. Just think about your relationship with the Lord, that he would look past your brokenness, that he would look past your wrongs. And now he's called husbands to this kind of love.

Oh, is forgiveness, is forgiveness an obvious piece of your family life? We're quick to forgive. We're quick to show grace and mercy. No, no, we're good at grudges, Jonathan. We're really good at grudges.

Got a long family history of grudges. We got a lot of hotheads in my family. Oh, hot temperatures. Boy, we get wild. No, as a believer, you're called to love.

As Christ loved the church, which means forgiveness mercy. Let those be markers of your family and see what starts to change. You'll see amazing things begin to occur in your life. This means being a sacrificial leader, being a spiritual leader. And he goes on in verse 28 to love as you love your own body.

And so if you've got the right relationship with yourself. Now, I've heard some people argue. There's plenty of people that don't love themselves very much. They don't love their own body. But just, if you consider just the basic nature of life, generally you're going to eat, generally people, you're going to take care to some degree.

Now, you might put fudge rounds in there instead of good food. You might fill this thing full of mountain Dew rather than water. But generally you're going to eat, you're going to, you're going to get hungry and you're going to feed, you're going to get tired and you're going to sleep. This is the idea of the second word in love, nourished. It literally means to feed to maturity.

I love that it gives men this. What a wild thing women are like innately built for feeding to maturity. God gave you everything you need to do that. But he gives this order to husbands. I love that he does that because it calls us to something more that my goal then, in my relationship with my wife is to see her be me more.

I desire to see whatever God's purpose is for her. I want to be a part of helping her get there. Feeding to maturity. And then thirdly, the third word, cherish. This word means to keep warm.

Now, some of you men are thinking, well, I'm not. I don't have a problem with that. I like keeping her warm. I'm good with that piece. No laughs.

I guess you didn't go there, and that's fine. That's, sorry I did that. Cherish, keep her warm. To love with tender and gentle care. Here's another image for you.

This has to do with do stuff together that shows that you love and that you cherish. So little Jeffy here is asking, did you remember to say thank you and I had a nice time? So that's what he's telling his mom. Do you remember to say, dad, I had a nice time. They went all out.

He's into tux. I mean, that was a good night. Continue to cherish her by dating, by doing things that actually will build her up and make her feel loved. These are not natural tendencies for men. I'm looking around at you.

I know what you want to do. You just want to eat and sleep. I'm the same. That's what we want to maybe watch something that's, you know, people hitting each other sometimes. I don't.

Maybe watch that. I don't know. Maybe you want to hit something every once in a while. I get that. No, here.

Nourish, cherish. Why? Because husbands here, I think, are being called to be the thermostats in their home, not the thermometers. So when you start feeling that temperature rising, just know. Husbands, you're the one that set the dial.

When it starts getting hot or getting cold, just know it was either unloving or unkind or passive and out of the loop. Well, some of us guys, it's not that we say or do mean things. It's that we do nothing. It's that we're useless. You might say to yourself, well, how dare you say that to me?

I work hard. I provide money. I provide a roof. I provide food. Yeah, good job.

Good job. You picked a wife and you've had children, perhaps. I don't think you thought when you did all that, you know, I just want these people to be in my house so that I can, you know, financially take care of them, but I don't really want to interact with them. I don't think that was your initial thought, but it's become what you're doing, and I know it's. You're tired.

I know that you don't get a day off. There's some reasons for why no. Cherish means setting the thermostat. If it's getting cold in the house, it's because you're not active. You've decided all I need to do is work.

No. Men work at your marriage. Work at your marriage. Sacrificial love means not being harsh. Colossians three says, husbands love your wives.

Don't be harsh with them. Peter goes on to say, similarly, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Wives, do you love that word right there? Tell me if you love it. Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.

I've never had a single woman say, I really love the way that sounds, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Now, what in the world does he mean, weaker vessel? This is the idea that your wife, husbands, is not Tupperware. She's china. She's fine china.

It's not weakness in the sense that she's not smart. That she's weak physically. That's not what he's talking about here at all. He's talking about position. She's the weaker vessel in the sense that she is fragile.

And some of you ladies are like, I'm not fragile. I'm tough. Tough, okay. But that's not what the Bible's calling. The Bible is saying that a husband ought to treat his wife in such a way that I don't want to accidentally chip the paint.

I'm going to treat her not like Tupperware. She's the best thing I have in the house. That can be challenging. That's a moving thought, though, men, that the best person outside of Christ that you have in your life, in your house, is your wife. Treat her like that.

It'll change your world. She's the weaker vessel in the sense that she is something special in your life. She's a gift from God. And if you're honest, if you'll look in the mirror sometime soon, some of you men haven't looked in the mirror in a bit. Just look in the mirror sometime and go, there's no reason I should have her, because how did that happen?

Most of us leveled up. And he says, treat her accordingly. So, man, here's the sin problem for us. Sometimes we go to this place of lordship and of like, trying to be harsh and ruling and domineering. And then there's the passive man, which really is the primary sin of Mandev.

It's where it all began. So we went back to Genesis with women. We can go back to Genesis with men. Genesis 317, it says to Adam, he said, because you have heeded the voice of your wife and eaten the tree of which I commanded you, saying, you shall not eat of it. Cursed is the ground for your sake in toil.

You shall eat of it all the days of your life. So your primary problem, Adam, was you didn't speak up. God told them both, don't eat that stuff. The wife said, well, it kind of looks good. She's getting manipulated.

What he should have done is spoke up and said, that's not what God told us to do. His sin is passivity, and it's often my sin. So how do we break the crazy cycle? Pop up the second of these two images. Y'all have seen the first, which is without, without, but pop up the second.

Here's how we break this cycle. I think there's a second. Yeah. Hey, we break this cycle and get something new called the energizing cycle. And it just starts with one small change.

So if you've come here today and your relationship is just. It's not going. It's. There's times where we really don't like each other. There's a lot of friction.

It starts with his love, her respect. And if it's in a reverse spin, you got to just slowly start putting some new stuff into it till you get it going in the right direction. So I'm asking you, friends, husband's in the room. Will you determine today I'm going to love her because God's called me to love her. I'm going to be kind.

I'm going to show her mercy. I'm going to cherish, I'm going to forgive, I'm going to nourish, I'm going to do these things not because she deserves it, but because I'm called to it. She might have been terrible to you lately, and you might have earned it. I'm going to decide to love and wives. I'm going to decide to put a new spin on the cycle.

Here's the third, and I got to move quick through this one. Paul spends a little time on it, so I think I'm in good company. He says married people should display the mystery of our oneness in Christ. This is where he ends this statement, 31 and 32. He says there's a mystery that God's unpacking in marriage that maybe the people in his day and certainly the people in our day don't get.

And that is, God designed this thing not only for your personal sanctification, but also to show the world what God is doing. That the mystery, that two people who are terribly different could love each other, that two people would take care of each other who are so opposite. Some of you I've heard say, you know, we really had a lot in common when you got married. No, you didn't. You're a man and she's a woman.

And that's all I got to say. Our brains are wired different. We're different at the most innate levels, your opposites. And in so many ways, that's what Christ has done with his church. He's perfectly holy.

He's perfectly loving and just, and we're not. We're broken and sinful, and yet Christ laid his life down for us. This is the mystery that's on display here. Christian marriage is this threefold covenant. I'd like to preach through Malachi again sometime soon.

Y'all let me know in the, you know, afterwards or whatever, if you'd like to hear me preach Malachi this verse got me pumped this week. I just like how Malachi comes in and just socks people in the face. Like, just, I love the way he speaks. Malachi 214. It says, the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless.

Though she is your companion and your wife by covenant, did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their union? And what was God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. In the same chapter, he just verbatim says, God hates divorce.

I mean, I just love what Malachi does. Here he comes right at this idea. And now he's speaking to you. Those of you in the room who are in these relationships, what is God seeking? He's seeking that you guard yourself and be faithful to one another as Christ is in the church.

This christian marriage is fascinating. I want to give you some good news to finish today. Raise your hands if you've ever heard that the divorce rate in church is the same as the divorce rate in culture. You ever heard that before? Anybody?

I heard that for years. I want you to know something. That's not true. That is false. The surveys that were done on these issues where they just took anybody who said that they were a Christian.

Have you ever met anybody lately that says they're a Christian and you can't tell you ever met anybody lately that says they're a Christian? And then you pretty sure they've never stepped foot in a church. What they mean by Christian, I don't know what that means. Maybe to them it means my parents did that stuff. I will go to church on Christmas if that's you today.

I love you. I just want you to know if you showed up today, hey, I'm one of these, we call them creasters around here. That's how much we love you. We show up on Christmas and Easter creasters. All right.

Oh, I do that. That doesn't make you a Christian, my friend. Here's some more recent surveys. Some more recent studies have been done on people who actually have a gospel testimony. They asked more questions, more than just are you a Christian?

Are you divorced? That's not enough because there's a lot of people in America that say, I'm Christian. In fact, I said this last week. There are known atheists now who are saying I'm a cultural Christian. What?

That's just because they like what Christianity does in a culture. That's all that means to them. So newer studies have come out and say, all right, are you devoted to the Lord? Are you walking by faith? Do you serve at church?

So some more thickness to the study. And guess what they found. Here's. This is from a book called the good News about marriage. It says, every study that has ever been done has found that the rate of divorce among those who regularly attend church is much lower than among those who don't.

The bottom line is that church weekly church attendance lowers the divorce rate significantly. Now, that's just one element of this truth, I think that points to a larger truth, I hope, which is a true devotion to God. Now, your church attendance does not prove that. Certainly doesn't. But perhaps it's a good indicator.

If you're deciding every week I'm going to spend my Sunday not in bed, that's a pretty good indicator that you're trying to work towards your walk with Christ. Oh, this is great news. That means the really good news is when you walk with the Lord Jesus, when the threefold strand, as ecclesiastes says, it really is hard to break when you make the decision. First and foremost, I serve the Lord Jesus, and he has given me my spouse. This covenant is not just between us two.

It's a threefold covenant that would. You know what that does? It protects your marriage. It makes this thing just about unbreakable, and I'm convinced of that. I think my marriage is pretty close to unbreakable, at least for my part.

I like to tell her sometimes I'll end with this little silly joke, but I like to tell her there's no way I'm moving on from you anyway. Cause I'm not trying to figure all this out again. This was a lot of work. And I still do not understand that girl. She makes no sense to me sometimes.

And I've worked at it for years. I'm not doing this again. But really, I mean that in more ways than just that. She's the one, and I'm convinced of that. Husbands and wives make the decision today.

This is God's gift to me, and he's the covenant maker. I've made this covenant not just with a person, not just with a bunch of people who showed up one day when it was, you know, blazing hot outside or wherever you got married. No, that covenant wasn't made with all this. It was made like a triangle with the Lord.

Marriage is a flying trapeze. Wives are taking leaps of faith. Men are trying to catch them. Husbands, I would ask you first, decide to trust the Lord to strengthen you to love, to serve, to catch her. Your leadership is not based on lordship.

It's based on servant servanthood. It's based on servanthood that you make the decision constantly. I'm gonna let her have the best of things. I'm gonna constantly take the arrows so that she and my kids don't have to. That's servant leadership.

That's what you're called. To sacrificial love. And wives, would you pray also that God would empower you to line up under, even when sometimes he makes some bad choices, sometimes he's not on his a game. But you encourage. That's your calling.

Hey, honey, that wasn't great what you did, but you can do better. You're awesome.

You tell me I'm awesome for too much time and I'll start believing it. And that's what your husbands will do. Tell him he's awesome for a while. He might start acting awesome. I'm gonna get into parenting next week.

The same principle remains true. Tell your kids they're smart, guess what they'll be. Tell them they're dumb, guess what they'll be. Tell them you're a mess. You're crazy.

You're always breaking stuff. You're the worst. I struggle there sometimes. I couldn't stop breaking stuff. But you keep telling them that and you'll watch.

They just keep doing it. Somehow they'll dig deeper in whatever you tell them or dig up. Husbands and wives are similar, especially men. Men just, you know, we all want a big head. Inflate that thing and see if he won't love you.

I want to do something interesting to finish this sermon. Some of you may have observed that my wife's not even here today. I thought of this wonderful illustration to finish my sermon today and then remembered she's at the beach right now with all of her friends from high school. They've been planning it for a while. Hallelujah.

I'm glad for that. It's been a crazy weekend. I have four children and I don't know how to do. I don't know how to do life. I didn't even realize Addie was still getting tucked in every night.

Addie. Good Lord.

It's been fun. I love tucking you in, Addie, so much. I hope you'll call me when you're married in your twenties and say, dad, will you please pray with me? That would be great. Stuff's going on at the house I didn't know was going on, y'all.

But anyway, what I wanted to do with her but I still want to do it with you. She's out of town. She'll be back today. But if you're sitting with your spouse and there's a few of you in there doing that, some of your spouses are working. I think we've got Joe in the back, and your wife must be serving in the back too.

Praise God for that. Thank you so much. If your wife or husband is sitting with you, go ahead and grab that hand. Grab that hand. Yeah.

James, don't worry about this. It's gonna get weird. All right? Don't worry about it. Grab that hand and let's say a prayer together as couples and then as people.

Pray with me. Heavenly Father, will you help me to be the man or the woman that you've called me to be? Sometimes this person that you've given me really causes me to struggle. It's not always easy for me to love them or to respect them, Lord. But, God, I see in your word today that you've called me to line up under you.

Really, that you've called me to trust you wives holding that hand, would you pray with me simply, Lord, help me to encourage him. Help me not to be bitter with bad decisions he's made in the past. Help me to forgive. Help me to show mercy, Lord. Help me to trust him.

Help me to respect him, Lord. Give me the kind of words that would really lift him up and cause him to be the man that I know you've called him to be. He's not always that man, but, God, I know he's more in you and I know you have purposes for him that are beyond compare. God, help me to be the wife that would lift him up, to be the leader he should be. Husbands, pray with me as you're holding that hand, Lord, help me to love her.

I'm not always bent well to do this well to feed her to maturity, to cherish her. I gotta admit, Lord, that's not often on my mind. Like the next opportunity that I get to just dote over her. It's not always on my mind. God, help me to be that kind of man that serves her, that shows her that I deeply, deeply care, that I'm committed to her.

Help my language, Lord Jesus. Sometimes I can come across just like I don't care or that I'm angry. God, help me with the way I speak to her. So much of the way she receives communication is with verbal, nonverbal tone and all that. And I'm not great at that sometimes.

God, help me with it. God help me to love her as you've loved the church. God, I specifically pray for men about that. Lord, that is a challenge that we would love as Christ loves the church. Help us to understand what that looks like in our scenario, that we would lay our lives down willingly.

That means a removal of selfishness. I'm going to set self aside and really take care of these people you've entrusted to me. God, protect the marriages in this church. I'm convinced of something. God, I know this is true, and I'm praying this over these couples, that your basic building block for your church isn't the pastor, isn't some good worship team.

It's the family. Your first covenant was with a family. Yeah. You've made covenants with your church and with your people, with your chosen people, God. But it started with family.

God, would you protect the marriages in this house? I pray that the strength of these couples would really be a testimony to our city. So many people aren't walking with you right now in the city of Rocky Mountain, in Nash county and Edgecombe county, there's so many people not walking with you. Lord, I pray that these couples would be an obvious change up to our culture, that they would see true, true love, that they would get a glimpse of something better. God, do that in our couples.

Protect our families. We ask in Jesus name, amen.